Over the next year and half he came out to close friends and some family. But this was to be the PUBLIC day. He decided his announcement would come in the form of wearing a t-shirt to school. Pure white with bold black iron-on letters across the front that read “CELEBRATE NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY OCT 11” and on the back in funky colorful iron on letters it read “CLOSETS ARE FOR CLOTHES”. His outfit was rounded out with a rainbow wrist sweatband, a rainbow rubber bracelet and a silver chain with an assortment of colorful rings. It screamed “taste the rainbow”….
I was scared to death for him. Until then, his coming out was uneventful. He’d had favorable and loving responses. But this was SCHOOL. The same high school school that Steven and I had gone to. We expected some trouble. Maybe a fight – maybe a black eye or hurtful things said. This was to be his first solitary adult stand. And I would be nowhere in sight. Left behind to wait while he faced this challenge, alone, head on.
That night, we finished the shirt and it hung on the hanger, all pressed and ready to go. I didn’t sleep a wink the whole night, envisioning his life changing within the next twenty four hours. I drove him to school on the 11th and after dropping him off, had to pull over because I was crying so hard. I was so scared for him I didn’t know what to do with myself.
It was one of the longest days of my life. The weeks prior I’d read many coming out stories. I read news articles about how it was celebrated across the country from small local events to national movements. But it was personal now. It was Abram.
Finally, it was time to go back and pick him up. I arrived in the parking lot a half hour early. He came out (no pun intended) surrounded by his group of friends. (I later found out they had made sure he wasn’t alone all day and had walked him from class to class “just to be sure” he was okay).
He was smiling. He waved at someone as they called out when he passed. He looked taller – like a load had been lifted.
I felt like I’d aged ten years. Come to find out the day had been pretty spectacular. His shirt was noticed, some asked if it was a joke, to which he answered no and got a shrug or a “that’s cool” in reply. A few people acknowledged with their eyes and a smile or a handshake – and in math class he got a round of applause. Yes. A round of applause.
There are a few days that stand out in my life and this is one of them. I felt honored that he asked me to help make his shirt – the vehicle for him to come out. I felt proud of his courage to come out not knowing what the response would be. I feel humbled to ride his shirt tail through this experience.
I stop and remember those 24 hours every Oct 10th & 11th. I remember his courage and the foundation it provided for me to be and “Out an Proud” parent, ally and friend. Some days are just meant to be celebrated.
Not everyone in the LGBTQ community celebrates Coming Out Day. But…a lot of them do. Take a moment on the 11th. Celebrate their being out with them. Acknowledge their courage. Take a stand for their equal rights. Lend support to someone who’s just come out or is wrestling with the issue of doing so. Be there for them. There are hundreds of resources – the following are a good start that offer leads to more resources. Taste the rainbow!
Congrats to Abram. I only came out when I was 45 and wrote about it in my autobiography Coming Out On Top. Read about it here. http://amzn.to/R8gTjU
ReplyDeleteStuart - I will pass along your congratulations. I read about your story when I read your blog post "What If You Could Live Your Dream". All the best to you!
DeleteGosh, worrying out our kids is endless. And mine are only 7 and 8 but y 8 year old already has issues...getting a pup I hope gives our family some peace.
ReplyDeleteIt. Never. Ends. But then...neither does the love and joy. :) Hope the puppy brings at least good distraction if not that ever elusive peace!
DeleteI commend you for being so supportive. Glad it went well.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kat - Abe was very fortunate. Unfortuantely, for many it doesn't go so well. My heart goes out to them.
DeleteI'm so out of it, I didn't realize there was such a think as a coming out day. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes, though. I'm glad you were so supportive, and things went so well for your son. Things weren't nearly that rosy for my next door neighbor when she was struggling with her sexuality back in the '60s.
ReplyDeleteHopefully she celebrates this today and has found happiness and acceptance! And now you know about it, so it may come in handy!
Deleteawesome, amy! my son is also gay... he's 21 now, but he told me a week before he turned 18.. (rudy had a hard time, when i finally told him 3 months later - he's not against it, it's just that roberto is his son.. he was worried)... i wasn't surprised by roberto's admission... i always suspected... i don't know how many times he's hugged me saying 'thank you' (as in being so supportive).... i hope abram is having many happy days.. and that you too, are enjoying your relationship with him...
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading and sharing your support of Roberto. That worry never does go away - most days I handle it better than others. Hoping Roberto is living a happy life as well. Isn't it crazy that we have to worry about them at all in regards to this issue?
DeleteAmy, you probably know that I live in India. Although this are changing here, coming out to your parents would be something huge. And even if the parents were accepting, they'd be most worried about what the community thinks! It was amazing for me to read how brave Abram was and how wonderfully supportive you were of him! ♥
ReplyDeleteCorinne - we often talk about how fortunate Abram is to live in the US and he does realize how much more accepting our society is than many other countries. My heart aches for the battles that LGBTQ people must fight for acceptance. Thank you for stopping by, showing your support and your kind comments!
Delete