Be EXCELLENT to Each Other

I spotted this bumper sticker on a parked car as Steven and I strolled along a sidewalk in Maine last summer.  I actually stopped and took a picture of it.  Why?  It’s a good reminder.  It’s direct.  It’s simple. It’s honest.  And yes, it’s easy.  Easier than you think.

The word excellent scares people off.  They think it’s “over the top” and “highly ambitious” when really the definition is just “very good of its kind:  eminently good”.  Not so scary or unattainable in that light.

Being excellent is being mindful of the mundane, routine, everyday life most of us live and purposefully taking it up a notch.  It’s making life more enjoyable with an action for another, your tone of voice, a thoughtful task done. A please and thank you. It’s giving consideration to someone else’s point of view or situation – sometimes making a concession.  It’s in following through on your word and keeping a promise. 

So while it’s not anything over the top or highly ambitious, it is being eminently good, and being so consistently. It’s within everyone’s reach.  It costs nothing – it’s only the giving of yourself.    

You can be excellent in any relationship whether it’s with a partner, a child, a parent, a coworker, a sibling or a friend. We’re naturally excellent in the first blush of our relationships.  It’s easy when things are fresh and new.  Personalities haven’t clashed, differences in thoughts and beliefs haven’t surfaced, and often the challenges of life that tend to wear you down haven’t happened yet.  But then they do.  Months and years pass and it’s easy to hold a grudge, fall into a rut or begin to take for granted this other person who truly does mean so much to you.  You lose what being excellent to each other brings your relationship. 

Spotting that bumper sticker stopped me in my tracks.  You can’t be on a 30 year journey with someone and not stumble a time or two, which Steven and I have done.  But our past practices of embracing the little daily things we do for each other, the respect we feel for and show each other, the humor and the love, and the mindset of being a team, are what’s always brought us back on course and to the incredible place we are now.  A lifelong set of practices wrapped up in 5 little words on a bumper sticker.  Be Excellent to Each Other. 

Take a moment and think of the ones in your life who are important to you.  The ones you love. Go be excellent with them.  Be excellent to each other.  Do it now. Do it today. And every day that follows. 

The Community Beyond My Desk

I never expected this to happen or to find myself here.

Creating for me has been a solitary endeavor.  However, I’ve stepped away from my desk and found a very welcoming place indeed. 

A few months ago, I was invited to join a group of local artists (writers, musicians, actors, painters, designers, to name a few).  Their mission?  “To spark their creative endeavors and get encouragement to keep on working.” As a loner, it was a leap of faith for me to join this group.  We meet once a month and discuss everything imaginable from the drive we feel to be creative, the tools we use, the workspaces we use and the risks and sacrifices we make in our lives to do what we do.  It was astounding to me the similarities in challenges and goals we all share.

In a very short time they’ve had a profound effect in how I see myself as an artist and the creative process.

Photo Credit: Niagara Univesity

An assignment from the “You Should Be Writing Boot Camp” course I’m taking tasked me to “nurture myself with a planned distraction”.  I work at Niagara University, which is home to the Castellani Art Museum. I like museums, however rarely go.  In fact, I've gone to the Castellani once in my seven years at Niagara.

So a few weeks ago on my lunch hour, I walked the rooms, starting with an exhibition of the history of Niagara Falls.  The following rooms housed a celebration of the Top-Spin series (solo exhibitions for emerging regional artists), portraits, sculptures and paintings. 
In the last room that held a collection on the Underground Railroad, I sat on the remarkably comfy bench and thought of being an artist.  

I thought about FEELING like an artist.  Like the ones who created the works I'd just looked at.  They had a vision.  They created and developed it into a form to share with others.  Their work touched me in thought and emotion.  

I thought about BEING an artist. I have a vision.  I create and develop pieces and share them with others.  People read my work that I will never know or meet.  It will touch them in ways that I don't know and can't imagine.   

I thought about the procrastinations and distractions in their lives and the daily routines they had.  And I thought about all the finished pieces I'd seen.  And that made me think about their commitments, their drive, their love of their craft.  I have within me all the same vices and talents. 

Then Friday night, I went to a reception for the artists of MY FAVORITE THINGS, by Robin Frey and Heidi Zanelli at Fox Run’s Gyda Higgins Gallery.  I met Heidi through the local group of artists. 
I walked the exhibition, admiring the beauty of the paintings and portraits as I listened to vocalist Mari McNeil, another artist from the group, provide soft musical jazz background.  Again, I found myself thinking of the process of creating and being an artist.

Sometimes stepping away from your own little corner of creativity opens up a whole new world, which is exactly what’s happened.  Where have I found myself now?  Remarkably... in a community of artists. 

A community made up of online friends, mentors and blogging groups like GBE2 Blog On and The Writer’s Post.  There is the talented group of writers and a wise instructor, Lisa Romeo, who I’ve met through the Boot Camp course, and an inspiring group of artists that I meet with once a month, all who have spurred my creativity to new heights.  More importantly, they’ve helped me feel a part of something bigger – something that allows me to walk through the Castellani or an artist’s reception and feel a connection not only to the finished pieces, but the artists, whether I know them or not.  We are ALL part of a community of artists.   

So no, I never expected this to happen or to find myself here; part of a world I hadn’t realized existed.  A world where I can nurture and support others with my experiences or by being part of an event.  By sharing my goals, my failures or my techniques. By showing interest and giving encouragement and feedback.  Yes, it’s a simple concept, but a new one for this solitary writer.  I’m glad I finally ventured past the edge of my desk.

On Being Lucky

Really - I couldn't just put a RABBIT's FOOT here now could I?

My mother, the Queen of Spin, instilled in me at an early age that 13 was a LUCKY number.  So, standing on the horizon of 2013, I’m expecting a lot!  In my heart of hearts, I know she pushed that belief in us kids because my oldest brother’s (and youngest nephew’s) birthdays are on April 13^th.  She wasn’t a believer in bad luck, so in our household, the number got flipped on its head.  There was never any worry of the 13^th floor in any building and Friday the 13^th, well that was just a “double” lucky day. 

I kick off 2013 with turning 50 this month.  Personally, it doesn’t bother me – chalk up another one for mom – who always said that age was just a number and since we didn’t have any control over it, why worry about it?  What I didn’t expect is the freedom that I do the closer I get to the day.  Somewhere in my head, 50 became the line in the sand.  You know… the one where I’m not trying to “establish” anything, or to “be” anyone.  It’s where I just get to be comfortable in my own skin and enjoy the groundwork I’ve laid down.  I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out the fact that I’ve gone to a few funerals in the past few years for friends my age or younger that really shook me up.  So, in their memory, I really don’t have any right other than to just celebrate it for the sheer luck and gift of being able to.

March brings the joyful celebration of 30 years of marriage to my confidante, best friend and soul mate.  Will it have been 10,958 days of wedded bliss?  Of course not.  But honestly, pretty darn close. A few years ago, I watched Susan Sarandon as Beverly Clark in Shall We Dance give one of the best descriptions of marriage I’ve ever heard.. "We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'." And so, on March 19^th, Steven and I will have been each other’s witness for 10, 958 days.  And for that I am grateful, humbled and proud. 

Kitschy, Kitschy - here we come!

Summer looms with the “Amy & Steve hit Route 66” trip.  We’ll fly into Chicago, rent a car and travel the fabled ribbon of asphalt and concrete to LA and then fly home.   Over 2,000 miles in 14 days filled with enough diners, kitschy road side attractions, and historic sites to keep us laughing, learning and loving all the way. 

Around the house there is a front foyer make-over project with a built-in combination coat rack/storage bench that we’re pretty excited about.  We’ll be tiling virgins on that one as we place the tile floor in during that project (good thing it’s a small area to learn on)!

I’ve got some writing classes planned, hopefully LOTS of writing and some submissions to send out. Birthday celebrations for Abram and Steve along with a few surprises sprinkled in and it should be a busy year! And of course, there’s that whole “lucky” element from Mom.  I’ll have to pay closer attention to the lottery this year, just in case it wasn’t all spin.

At the Cliff's Edge

I’m poised in a precarious position, here between 2012 and 2013.  I’m standing at the cliff’s edge, feeling the unease of the dizzying height and the pull of the abyss mix with the fervent wish that the release will be worth stepping off.  That is, stepping off the writing cliff. 

In January I set out on a journey to what I thought was a summit, one step at a time, following a deliberate trail with a self-made map for my writing year.  I wanted to write more, establish some discipline, continue my self-education, connect with a writing community and find a way to reach out of my comfort zone.  Daunting goals indeed.    

January 1^st was the first step, with my first blog on My Writing Corner.  I completed 67 posts this year (including this one) and met a blog challenge of 28 posts in April.  In numbers, not as many as I’d hoped for, but at least two each month and I hit my self-imposed goal of 500 – 700 words per post.  Goal #1 & 2 met!

Trudging on, I learned the software to edit and update my website, Amy Writes, instead of having to ask my ever supportive husband, Steve, to do it for me (lucky for me he’s always in the wings, ready to lend a helping hand when my mind goes blank on how to do something or I’ve lost my notes!).   

There was sustenance along the way in an overwhelming smorgasbord of writers and blogs to follow on the internet.    After overfilling my plate for many months, I learned to appreciate smaller portions and honed it to a manageable half dozen sites or so.  Learning from and commenting on those blogs has provided a daily balanced meal of an online writing community that I’m very grateful for.  Goal #3 & 4 met! 

I sent a few scouts out in the form of submissions and although I didn’t get any of them published, it was a nice sense of accomplishment to set a submission goal and meet it by deadline and guidelines.  One submission from 2011 hit the bull’s-eye and took me completely by surprise.  “Journey’s Beginning” got accepted and published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: finding my faith in October. 

That singular event, more than any other, propelled me to the cliff’s edge.  It was a spotlight I was not prepared for.  It lead to newspaper articles in print and online, recognition at the University I work at in my non-writing day job and had me doing a bit self-promotion (NOT something I am comfortable with).  It’s been a test in learning to accept compliments on my story and writing in general from the readers it’s brought to My Writing Corner.  Goal #5 met…..sort of…

Which brings me to my cliff.  I know in my heart, I may have met the goals, but I didn’t exceed.  I didn’t reach the summit wrung out and totally spent.  I’ve found in my real hiking with Steve, if I plod along at an even pace, and stop every now and then I can always reach the summit we set out for.  And although I feel accomplished to have made it here, to my writing summit, I didn’t have to stretch far.  If I really want those first four goals to reach beyond my wildest dreams, to be surprised at what I produce, I need to get out of my comfort zone.  I need to be willing to jump off the cliff.   

So…I jump into 2013 with a six week course that starts on January 7^th with Lisa Romeo titled: “I Should Be Writing Boot Camp - Jan 2013”. I’ve also made a personal challenge to face head on, the “3 Quiet Fears That Stop Writers From Writing”, by delving into Janna Malamud Smith’s book, An Absorbing Errand: How Artists and Craftsmen Make Their Way to Mastery.    I’m looking for these two pieces alone to be a catalyst to further my writing and an introduction to my non-comfort zone.   

Clenched in my hand are my goals for 2013.  More depth and honesty in my writing. Steadier and more targeted submissions.  Dedicated schedule for blog posts. Continued education in the craft. Become stronger in the writing and creative community, both online and in person.    With persistence, hard work and yes, a bit of luck, I’m hoping the accomplished goals will land at the bottom before me, a cushion to land on this time next year.    

It’s scary here at the edge.  But off I step, with the fervent wish that the release will be worth it.

Magic and Belief

I pull the Christmas music box string very slowly and wooden figures of snowman, elf, angel and Mr. and Mrs. Claus peek at me through the windows and door openings of their little yellow house as they travel backward, winding up in Ferris wheel fashion.  The small nails that hold them to the rotating board are delicate, allowing them to sway back and forth as they make their rounds… 

I’ve pulled that string, watched the figurines peek out at me and listened to the slightly tin sound of Jingle Bells, for just over 45 years now.   

I was three when my brothers gave the music box to our mom for Christmas in ‘67.  Three years ago when my parents passed, my siblings granted my wish to have the music box.  Now as I hang it on my kitchen wall, I don’t see the age it carries or the areas where the glitter, meant to be sparkling snow on the eaves, has long since rubbed off in the packing and unpacking over the years.   What I see, what I feel, is a direct link to my childhood Christmas and all the magic it held.   

Twenty nine years ago this Christmas, about to celebrate my first Christmas married and in my own home, mom gave Steven and I a ceramic manger scene.  In two words, it’s big.  With 18 pieces and camels and wise men that stand eight inches tall, it could be overwhelming, but her artistic talent shines through in the incredible detailing of each piece, the deep, rich colors she used and in the delicate features conveying the wonder of the moment.  Amidst the often hectic holiday madness, it never fails to make me pause and renews the spiritual meaning of Christmas for me.

Our home is not large.  These two very different holiday pieces are physically about five steps from each other.  Yet they bridge the years for me between child and adult, between daughter and wife/mother seamlessly.  There’s no theme to my Christmas decorations.  The house is not done in ribbons of blue and silver, in red and gold balls in glass vases, nor in country chic.  It doesn’t look like any spread in the pages of a magazine.  It’s much like my mother’s was; warm and comforting; a blending of pieces that hold more meaning in the history or memory of receiving them than in the purchasing of them for a “look”.  What’s developed is a blend of my Christmas past with my Christmas present.   

I pull the string and listen to Jingle Bells.  My eyes travel from the figurines in the music box to the figurines in the manger scene.  A final gift from mom, a mixture of magic and the wonder of belief. 

Winter Prep at Morgan Manor

1 of the 2 stacks to be split

Fireplace season has begun and the Advil bottle is running low this week at Morgan Manor.  Steven and I have enjoyed the beauty and peace of a couple fires as we commiserated about our aching muscles and sore backs. 

We just finished a project that started back in ’09.  That’s when we cut down the first tree in the backyard due to a stress fracture it developed after a particularly bad wind storm.  It was cut it down or wait for another storm to blow it down.  The next two came down in 2010 to make way for an attached two car garage.  The wood was stacked to season and in the blink of an eye, a couple years passed and splitting time was upon us!

1 of the 3 piles - still only 1/2 size!

I grew up with a fireplace and love that our home of the past 27 years has one.  During any given winter, we have about 5 fires a week, so we go through a lot of wood.  Most years we rent a splitter, however this year Steve found a beauty on Craig’s list.  We made the purchase, and were off ~ working some days alone, and some days as a team as work schedules and daylight hours permitted.

We split, and split, and split. 

We went through the large stack along our back fence and another stack just as big that ran along the side fence.  That first day or two of splitting felt great!  Then that pile of beautifully split wood, begging to make a roaring fire in the fireplace soon grew quickly past a nice fire or two.  Or a season’s worth or two.  By week’s end, we had three HUGE piles and the thrill of those romantic nights by the fire faded in my mind with the looming task ahead.    

We stacked, and stacked, and stacked.

We took a lot of Advil.

5 covered stacks in back

I can’t imagine splitting this batch by hand, like we did a LONG time ago when we were MUCH younger.  Barring a handful of seasons when we had a few cords delivered, we have always “laid in” our wood supply.  Seems every few years there was always a neighbor or friend who needed a tree cut down or removed from their property. 

1 covered stack by the garage

And still, even with the aching muscles and sore back, I admit I don’t recall any other project being quite as sensory or satisfying.  I love the contrast of the sharp crack of a log as it splits with the dull note it strikes as it lands on the wood pile ten feet away.  I develop a comfortable rhythm and time passes quickly as log after log gets transferred from pile to stack, each piece getting spaced according to size and shape.   And that earthy, rich smell that gets released with each split seeps into my gloves and clothes, wrapping around me, so when I go in the house at the end of the day, it stays with me. 

Silly maybe, but looking at the completed work, I feel a connection to a life long ago.  There’s a silent acknowledgement of the difference when searching out wood and preparing it for the long winter ahead meant survival and not just an enjoyable evening fire.  And those same fires, well, they bridge some of the most pleasurable memories of my childhood with my adult life. 

The fruits of our labor!

All told, we most likely have about 10 – 12 cords from this project.  That should give us about five years of lazy evening fires or ones started on a cold weekend morning that burn all day. And that’s good, because our muscles and our backs could use the break.  All that’s left now is to sit back and enjoy…and of course, list that log splitter back on Craig’s list!

Hijacked!

Hijacked! Well, all right, not exactly….…. I love journeys that takes me directly from point A to point B.  My NaNoWriMo journey was simple.  Start Nov 1^st (point A) and end Nov 30^th (point B) with 50,000 words of a novel draft.  THAT is not happening. 

My journey got hijacked, sidetracked, and just plain ransacked.  And I not only accept full responsibility for it, but am thrilled about it.  Most of it happened due to not preparing as extensively in October as I’d planned, and then consequently losing myself in self-education and research.

Here’s a few of the places I veered off course: 

• Crafting Unforgettable Characters: A Hands-On Introduction to Bringing Your Characters to Life. This free e-book from K.M. Weiland is full of tips on character crafting and so much more.  I have four well developed characters for my NaNoWriMo novel all due to this guide.

• Outlining Your Novel: Map Your Way to Success E-book, by K.M. Weiland.  I spent $4.99 for the  Kindle format.  I’d never outlined a novel before and now have one in the works – this got paired with…

• Novel Writing Help.com – I visited this site for days.  Found it through a small reference on the NaNoWriMo forum…what a GEM!

• The Emotion Thesaurus by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi.  Never again will I struggle to SHOW a character’s feelings. Seventy five emotions are covered and through body language, internal sensations, actions and more.  Again, a $4.99 purchase and it was a surprisingly addictive read!

• I left my laptop, novel notes, research and outlines behind on Nov. 12^th and traveled to SUNY Geneseo to listen to Erika Dreifus read from her novel, Quiet Americans.  I’ve been a follower since the early 90’s and she didn’t disappoint – it was an engaging read and a rare opportunity to share in the process of her writing and her connection to her stories.  A day well spent!

• Reading the daily list of blogs I follow, one of my favorites, Lisa Romeo Writes offered I Should Be Writing Boot Camp – winter 2013.  After emailing with Lisa, I decided to invest in myself and kick off 2013 with this commitment to my writing life.

• The Buffalo News Short Story Contest 2012 submission is due December 3^rd.  After numerous false starts, I woke up a couple nights ago in the middle of the night with the plot in my head.  This is a RARE occurrence for me, but I LOVE when it happens…..

Amidst the detours, I’ve sketched a rough list of my writing goals for 2013, come up with some draft changes for my website and blog, researched a few markets to enter and done a good deal of background research for my NaNoWriMo novel, which I officially now refer to as a “work in progress”. 

Hijacked? Sidetracked? Ransacked?  Absolutely ~ but what a ride!!!!!!!  

And the journey continues…