At the Cliff's Edge

I’m poised in a precarious position, here between 2012 and 2013.  I’m standing at the cliff’s edge, feeling the unease of the dizzying height and the pull of the abyss mix with the fervent wish that the release will be worth stepping off.  That is, stepping off the writing cliff. 

In January I set out on a journey to what I thought was a summit, one step at a time, following a deliberate trail with a self-made map for my writing year.  I wanted to write more, establish some discipline, continue my self-education, connect with a writing community and find a way to reach out of my comfort zone.  Daunting goals indeed.    

January 1^st was the first step, with my first blog on My Writing Corner.  I completed 67 posts this year (including this one) and met a blog challenge of 28 posts in April.  In numbers, not as many as I’d hoped for, but at least two each month and I hit my self-imposed goal of 500 – 700 words per post.  Goal #1 & 2 met!

Trudging on, I learned the software to edit and update my website, Amy Writes, instead of having to ask my ever supportive husband, Steve, to do it for me (lucky for me he’s always in the wings, ready to lend a helping hand when my mind goes blank on how to do something or I’ve lost my notes!).   

There was sustenance along the way in an overwhelming smorgasbord of writers and blogs to follow on the internet.    After overfilling my plate for many months, I learned to appreciate smaller portions and honed it to a manageable half dozen sites or so.  Learning from and commenting on those blogs has provided a daily balanced meal of an online writing community that I’m very grateful for.  Goal #3 & 4 met! 

I sent a few scouts out in the form of submissions and although I didn’t get any of them published, it was a nice sense of accomplishment to set a submission goal and meet it by deadline and guidelines.  One submission from 2011 hit the bull’s-eye and took me completely by surprise.  “Journey’s Beginning” got accepted and published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: finding my faith in October. 

That singular event, more than any other, propelled me to the cliff’s edge.  It was a spotlight I was not prepared for.  It lead to newspaper articles in print and online, recognition at the University I work at in my non-writing day job and had me doing a bit self-promotion (NOT something I am comfortable with).  It’s been a test in learning to accept compliments on my story and writing in general from the readers it’s brought to My Writing Corner.  Goal #5 met…..sort of…

Which brings me to my cliff.  I know in my heart, I may have met the goals, but I didn’t exceed.  I didn’t reach the summit wrung out and totally spent.  I’ve found in my real hiking with Steve, if I plod along at an even pace, and stop every now and then I can always reach the summit we set out for.  And although I feel accomplished to have made it here, to my writing summit, I didn’t have to stretch far.  If I really want those first four goals to reach beyond my wildest dreams, to be surprised at what I produce, I need to get out of my comfort zone.  I need to be willing to jump off the cliff.   

So…I jump into 2013 with a six week course that starts on January 7^th with Lisa Romeo titled: “I Should Be Writing Boot Camp - Jan 2013”. I’ve also made a personal challenge to face head on, the “3 Quiet Fears That Stop Writers From Writing”, by delving into Janna Malamud Smith’s book, An Absorbing Errand: How Artists and Craftsmen Make Their Way to Mastery.    I’m looking for these two pieces alone to be a catalyst to further my writing and an introduction to my non-comfort zone.   

Clenched in my hand are my goals for 2013.  More depth and honesty in my writing. Steadier and more targeted submissions.  Dedicated schedule for blog posts. Continued education in the craft. Become stronger in the writing and creative community, both online and in person.    With persistence, hard work and yes, a bit of luck, I’m hoping the accomplished goals will land at the bottom before me, a cushion to land on this time next year.    

It’s scary here at the edge.  But off I step, with the fervent wish that the release will be worth it.

Set a Goal and Exceed It.

Many moons ago, when my now 23 year old son was little, I wrote him a children’s story titled Meadow Adventure.  It grew from a drawing he did of a bunny sitting at the top of a hill, looking at a sunset.  It tells a story of survival and compassion through a chance encounter between an aged bunny, a young fox and its mother. That story (and many other finished pieces) has sat for years, waiting for me to find the courage to send any of them out for publication. 

It doesn’t matter really why I haven’t done it, whether it’s fear of rejection, lack of confidence in my writing ability, or a busy life where I didn’t make time for my writing on a regular basis.  I thought of it often and even occasionally researched some possible markets, yet never took the chance and initiative to do it with this particular story, even though deep down  I have faith that it’s a good piece. 

Then, June 7^th my oldest brother Craig, who is 61 and 11 years older than me, had his third heart attack and emergency triple bypass.  I love and respect him more than I can say, however I thought that the opportunity to learn “life lessons” from him were past.  His philosophy on life, his point of view and his “live for the moment” are all lessons I hold dear, but hold no surprise for me anymore.

Leaving his privacy intact, I will just say that events and complications on the day of the heart attack and surgery as well as previous health issues make his current status of recovery nothing less than remarkable.  He is a medical marvel!

So eight days into his medical ordeal, and just one day after coming off the respirator, he looked at me and said his new motto was… “Make a goal and exceed it.”  Wow.

There’s a LOT to come back from after a health event like he’s had.  Each day, sometimes several times a day, there is a new hurdle to be faced and overcome.  And he’s continued to do that.  Goal set. Goal met. Goal exceeded.  And without a doubt, that same drive and determination that had him live such a hard 61 years will serve him well in sustaining his new motto. 

As I sat at his bedside, and then drove the five hour trip home, my mind drifted to many parts of my life, my writing in particular.  What did I see?  Goal dreamed.  Goal planned.  Goal executed….sort of.  Earlier this year, I committed myself to making this the year I was going to strongly pursue my writing.  The craft of it. The sharing of it.  The publication of it. I’m not negating the strides I’ve made.  I have written a lot, I began my blog and I’ve gotten my appetite back for reading.    

But I could do better.  I recognize that there should always be a hurdle, whether natural or one I seek out in front of me to overcome.  Challenges to drive me forward, strengthen my skills, improve my confidence and enable me to reach heights I haven’t dreamt of. 

So I’ve set some goals to keep my writing active and moving forward.  Get Meadow Adventure submitted to a couple of places within a week.  Then, choose the next piece to get submitted or get finished by mid-July.  Keep submitting pieces.

Last month, my husband challenged me to write a story about my mom (who passed away a little over three year ago) and I in the setting of Maine, where we are vacationing this summer.  It’ll be a creative fictional piece and on the two trips back and force to my brother over the past few weeks, I began to flesh that story out in my head and started research on it this evening.  My goal is to have it outlined by the time we vacation, so it can be a working document during our travels – a writing first of its kind for me. 

What’s all this made me realize?  Goals are good.  Brothers are better.  Thank you for giving me another lesson Craig.  I can’t wait to see where your goals take you too!