Weekend Writing Warriors promotes Snippet Sunday, when you post 8 sentences from a current writing project, published or unpublished. The 8 sentences below are from the opening of my six year novel-in-progress, Creative Destruction. Comments are most welcome.
The September chill crept into the car as I looked across the street at the house where the group sessions would be.
I closed my eyes and saw the blue on a paint square. I was familiar with those squares, the ones that lulled you into a false sense of potential as you stood among the palette of colors and dreamed that this color, among the hundreds available, was the one. This blue never stood a chance, removed from the bright light of the store, slapped onto peeling shingles; it lost its promise to transform from the first brush stroke. Peeled layers revealed a variety of blue shades, testament to the many attempts before.
“I need to be with a group of women who can say ‘I know what you mean’” I’d said.
And this is where he’d sent me. It was perfect.
Amy, I'm so glad you're still working on this. I like this excerpt a lot (seems we're both "called" by blue). I like the line about the paint squares that leads into "this blue never stood a chance." And "it lost its power to transform" is an ominous sign for what appears to be a therapy group. In light of this, I'm reading the last sentence with a sarcastic tone--is that what you intend? The line "I need to be with a group of women who can say ‘I know what you mean’" already tells us something about your protagonist and pricks our interest. My only suggestion would be that I think the opening line could be a little stronger. For instance, I wouldn't reveal right away that there will be group sessions; the reader will get that later from the line of dialogue and the following line. I might suggest something like, "I stared at the house across the street. Already the September air was chilling the car," and then maybe suggest that her mood is also chilled. Other than that, I think this is a great start, and I'm eager to read more!
ReplyDeleteI was struck by the "blue" calling from both of us as well! (A running habit with us - these parallelisms.) :) It is about group therapy and the last sentence is sarcastic in nature and refers to the cynicism she feels.
DeleteI like the suggestion to remove the group portion from the opening line and the stronger mood set up.
Thanks for suggesting participating in this Sunday snippet - it piqued my interest for Creative Destruction again once I opened the file and started reading through the first draft.
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ReplyDeleteThe digression into the blue square details was fascinating, if a bit puzzling to me. But then you tied it all back together with her need to be with people who would understand the train of thought. Interesting snippet!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by to read Veronica. Glad it tied back together for you.
DeleteWow--nicely done! I love the narrative. And I agree with Veronica. That last line was perfect. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks Teresa. It took a long time to decide where to start it all. :)
DeleteI got a little confused, as I thought the house is one she already painted over and over several shades of blue...but this is a place she is going for group therapy. Looking forward to more next week, to see where this goes.
ReplyDeleteThanks Millie - I can see where you would think that she was the one who had painted it (even though she wasn't and it's the first time she's seeing the house). I'll work with it to make it clearer.
DeleteThe outside of the house certainly doesn't sound very promising for the quality of the group therapy.
ReplyDeleteI was hoping to suggest that false sense of security and promise we often tend to wear on the outside of ourselves by referring tot he house and the transparency that it had been through some bad times (just as the people going there for therapy had). Thanks for reading - I appreciate the comment and viewpoint!
DeleteI agree with Elaine about leaving out the phrase about the group sessions in the first sentence. The reader will then wonder about the significance of this house (which you later reveal).
ReplyDeleteLove the paragraph about the blue square!
Thanks Paula - I really like the idea of delaying that information as well. So pleased you took the time to stop by. :)
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